I Lied

Samantha, you'll be okay.

Actually, I didn't know if she was really going to be okay. For a split second, I even thought she might die. There she was, eyes rolled over, body cramped and twitching, with vomit spilling from one side of her mouth onto the pages of her activity book. The cutest little girl in my Primary One class looked frighteningly ill. And all I could do is to tell her something I wasn't even sure of. Don't worry, you'll be fine, and Mommy will be here soon.

So much for my years of first aid training. Really, years. Three as a student police cadet, two as an outdoor activities instructor (Christ, I even gave a first aid lecture to student leaders), and another training as a certified Red Cross volunteer. Yet I was so distressed know not how else to help the poor girl except to call the office for help.

I tried to carry her out, but she was too stiff. I couldn't insert anything in her mouth to prevent her from biting her tongue, as I couldn't even pry her clenched teeth apart. She was burning with fever and all I could do was to wipe her down with wet tissue. I never felt more anxious and helpless in my entire life. I felt totally useless.

Looking at the girl now, bubbly and healthy again as she once was, I am relieved, but also guilt ridden. I dread to think of what the whole episode may have developed into instead. I wasn't the reliable teacher who could protect her. I was just a liar who got very lucky by God's grace. And I realize, I've got a long way to go from here.

Samantha, I'll work hard on being Teacher, I promise.