Your Marriage Matters, My Wedding Woes

(Caution: this article might cause some nauseousness in men, especially stingy ones. In case of severe adversity such as breaking out in cold sweat and prolonged giddy spells, PLEASE do not even consider marriage unless it is to your own male specimen)

2005 will be a year of love and happy beginnings for many.

A Sampler:

January - Carmen & Stephen

March - Peyling & Donny

July - Aishing & Jonathan

November - Albert & Vivienne

November - Huayimm & Damien

December - Huie & James

Congrats!

6 weddings to attend to date, and counting. All this romance is making my head dizzy.

Of course, it is imperative to keep a clear mind for budgeting my finances in lieu of all that ang pow money I need to set aside. I sense a dull ache in my heart and I suspect it has nothing to do with singlehood.

For the uninitiated, let me briefly give you a financial account of what weddings are all about.

1st and foremost - ang pow $$ for the lovely wedded couple. Its face value directly proportional to how much you value your friendship (or how much you want the couple to think you value your friendship) with the bride or groom or both.

2nd - hen's party. Expenses can vary depending on several factors. Number of crazy galfriends, intensity of their craziness, proportion of crazy galfriends who are still single, whether everyone likes the groom, whether everyone likes the bride, whether you like the groom (or the bride) in a different manner... It can be anything from a 'tekan-the-why-is-she-the-one-instead' session to a full-blown review of the bride's lifetime's worth of men and her fantasies.
Bare neccessities: reputable hotel suite, free-flow of champagne, milk and flower petals for the bath, heart-shaped chocolate and pastries, cute pyjamas and full-range of beauty products, digital videocamera, old photo albums and school books. Macho guys in a big gift box would be a bonus... Macho guys sans clothes would be a god-send.
(OK guys, I am tantalising you here...we're really just talking about a few rounds of drinks and some late-night chit chat. No hanky-panky...we're convent girls!)

3rd - no party, wedding or not, is complete without practising the girl's must-do head-to-toe beautification ritual that starts 3 days before the big day. It is therapeutic food for the soul - the highest form of meditation to calm and cleanse the mind and body. All to summon the real beauty that we believe lies herein. It'll be bad karma not to do it.
$$ goes to essentials such as professional manicure & pedicure, daily facial, brow shaping, hair treatment and possibly some color to 'bring out your best features', waxing in all the right places, liquid detox diet to flush out toxins for baby smooth and radiant skin, diet supplements for total wellness (think Vitamins A to Z)... It takes a real heroine to stick to the formula. Fashionable (and cash-rich) brides-to be will be in the loop enough to know where to organize a Let's-All-Do-The-Spa-Thing at Institut Clarins or similar bank-breaking establishments.

4th - party/wedding/banquet gear. Dresses. A sweet and sassy tea dress for the ROM or traditional ceremony, a dreamy pastel church dress for accompanying the bride down the aisle, and definitely the classic elegant night gown for the grand finale - the hotel banquet, where hopefully hordes of CESS (CESS = Cute, Eligible, Single & Straight) guys are activated on standby to wolfwhistle at us. New shoes (absolutely essential). No shoes, no party. Bags to compliment the new shoes, and more importantly, how else do you think we can keep our make-up within reach anytime, anywhere? Do you really seriously think there are girls who have naturally rosy and dewy skin??!! And well, lastly, accessories of all sorts to match our dresses, of course. Be them pretty plastic or dazzling diamonds, we'll never have enough of them. Somewhere at the back of our well-groomed skulls, we really believe that earrings are actually part of our human anatomy and God merely forgot about them in the creation process.

Other important non-monetary must-haves commonly encountered at weddings include the standard issue of Mr. Boyfriend on hand for Ms. Girlfriend to volunteer his services for the couple, such as bridesmaid car chauffeuring, helping the groom with treacherous tasks to win the bride over on wedding day, getting drunk in place of the groom, and other miscellaneous activities deemed suitable to prove his unyielding loyalty to the Girlfriend. However, Girlfriend must seriously decide if this candidate is to be present at all, since that will greatly affect her chances of meeting CESSes. I rest my case.

Last but not least, if the blessed couple decides to seek your help to be their bridesmaid, MC, church coordinator, receptionist, or any other similar roles requiring involvement in addition to just turning up on the big day, then all of the above is to be upped in dosage. Doubled at least, if you'd ask me. Who knows, you might be duely rewarded in various ways. A friend of mine found her husband-to-be at a wedding for which she was the MC. How's that for a 'little' effort?

Happy Matrimony!