Lord of the Lians

"Lady of the Lians" would be a more appropriate title, but it doesn't quite effect the same pompousness, which is the whole point of being a true Lian.

In case you feel 'ah-lian-nated' by this choice of topic, let me reassure you that we are all related, in one way or another, to the mighty influential Lian clan. Let me prove it to you:

1) You are a Lian.
2) You are Lian's sister, Huey.
3) You like Lian(s).
4) You like Lian's sister(s), Huey(s).
5) You like both Lian(s) and Huey(s).
6) You are a Beng, and have a sister, Lian.
7) You are a Beng, and have a sister, Huey, who has a friend, Lian.
8) You are a Beng who has no sisters, but got a brother, Seng, whose girlfriend is a Lian.
9) You are a Beng who has no sisters, but got a brother, Seng, whose girlfriend is a Huey and in turn has a sister, Lian.
10) ...(are you sure you want me to go on?)

Better yet, if you come from Malaysia, you automatically qualify for the prestigious citizenship of the Lian-Bang-dom. **Lian Bang, in Chinese, literally means united states or federal (as in the former Federation of Malaya), and now colloquially used to refer to Malaysia. Hmm, come to think of it, since USA is literally translated to be Mei Guo Lian Bang, US citizens are technically Ang Moh Liew Lians too.

Fellow Singaporeans, do not gloat yet, for even if you do not fall into any of the above categories, there are other signs telling of the Lianster in each one of us.

For example, see if you fit into any of the following:

Your nails are painted in assorted designs and colors. - The Polished Lian
You swear, or are always on the verge of swearing in Hokkien. - The @#$% Lian
You have red or golden streaks in your rebonded hair. - The Laywid-Gan Lian
You and your close gal friends agree to wear similar 'identity clothes' when going out. - The Groupie Lian
You smoke, check yourself in the mirror, and talk on your cellphone at the same time. - The Multi-Tasking Lian
You hang a thousand dangling things on your handbag. - The Ling-Ling-Long-Long-Lian
You say 'Or-Kay' instead of O.K. - The 'Leceived Plonowciation' Lian
You die die must speak slang Engrish even if it ends up sounding like Hainanese. - The Pretends-to-Come-from-L.A.-But-Actually-From-L.A.S-(Lorong Ah Soo) Lian
You are a member or frequent patron of KBox. - The Idol/Superstar Lian
You buy thick metallic bracelets for yor boyfriend. - The Luv-My-Beng Lian
You know the lyrics to any songs by Ritchie Ren, Andy Lau or Spice Girls. - The Top-Hits Lian
You wear mini skirts with platform shoes. - The Hiao Lian
You still wear platform shoes!! - The Passe Lian
The Jacky Wu Show and/or The Simple Life are/is your staple TV diet. - The Tellywood Lian
You frequent nightspots along Mohd Sultan Road or worse, the Chinatown area. - The Get-Drunk-and-Get-Laid-by-Beng Lian
You think a car with a spoiler and F1 decals is cool. - The Initial-D Lian
This Fashion and/or Tommy Hilfilger are/is one of your favorite labels. - The Outlet/Lesigner Lian
Your dream guy rides a loud and fast bike. - The Wind-in-my-Hair-Hands-Around-Beng Lian
You had worn your school uniform such that skirt is super short and the belt is super low. - The Start-Young-In-Convent Lian
You can say all the five Ws. (No! Not 'where', 'when', 'why', 'what', 'who' lah!! The correct answer should be 'wah lao', 'wah piang', 'wah seh', 'wah l_n' and 'wah lamak'.) - The Linguist Lian
You resolve to memorize these pointers to perfect your style. - The Understudy Lian
You ask, "To Lian or not to Lian?" - The Philosophical Lian
You possess all the above qualities but just do not believe in this crap. - The Cynical Lian
You are too high-crass to believe in this crap. - The Hao-Lian
You are Lian and lovin' it! - The Bu-Yao-Lian

The list continues infinitely...

And how do I come up with so much nonsense?

Wah raos, I'm the Lord of the Lians mah!